How to Have the Difficult Conversations FM Managers Keep Avoiding

Maxcene Crowe
Apr 8
5 min read

Professional conversation in a workplace setting

The conversation you keep postponing is already costing you.

Not dramatically. Not with a single incident. It costs you slowly — in a supplier who keeps missing KPIs because nobody pushed back, in a team member who stays in the wrong role because the performance conversation never happened, in a client relationship that quietly deteriorates while the real issue sits unaddressed in a meeting room corridor.

FM managers are operationally strong. They manage complexity, navigate compliance, and hold contracts together under pressure. But one consistent leadership gap shows up across the industry: the avoidance of difficult conversations.

This post is for anyone who has drafted a message, then deleted it. Sat in a contract review knowing something needed to be said — and said nothing.

Why FM Managers Avoid Difficult Conversations

The avoidance is rarely about cowardice. It is usually about three things:

Uncertainty of outcome. FM managers are trained to fix problems. Difficult conversations have no guaranteed resolution. That uncertainty is uncomfortable for people who prefer defined solutions.

Relationship risk. When you work closely with the same client, the same supplier, or the same team for years, the conversation feels like it threatens something valuable.

The operational excuse. There is always a mobilisation to run, a statutory inspection overdue, a helpdesk backlog. The conversation waits for "a better time" that never arrives.

IFMA research confirms that over 80% of an FM manager's job is people-facing — suppliers, clients, contractors, senior leadership. When communication breaks down, so does performance. The cost of avoidance is not abstract. It shows up in missed SLAs, team disengagement, and escalations that could have been prevented at the source.

The 4 Types of Difficult Conversations FM Managers Face Most

1. Performance conversations

Addressing underperformance without destroying morale or triggering formal HR processes prematurely. These conversations are delayed most often because managers confuse being kind with avoiding the issue.

2. TUPE and workforce transition conversations

Telling a team their employment is transferring — or that roles will change under a new contract — requires both legal precision and human care. Most FM managers are underprepared for both.

3. Supplier failure conversations

When a contractor consistently underdelivers, the instinct is to manage around them. Escalation feels like conflict. But tolerating repeated failure without a direct conversation protects no one — least of all your client relationship.

4. Client pushback conversations

Pushing back on scope creep, unreasonable expectations, or contract breaches from the client side is arguably the hardest. The power dynamic makes honesty feel risky. In reality, the failure to hold that line erodes trust faster than the conversation itself ever would.

A Practical Framework for Preparing and Delivering Difficult Conversations

Preparation is where most conversations are won or lost before they start. Great Place to Work identifies self-regulation as one of the defining traits of emotionally intelligent leaders — the ability to pause before reacting and engage from a values-grounded position rather than an emotional one.

Use this PREP framework:

P — Purpose: What is the single outcome you need from this conversation?
R — Reality: What does the evidence actually show? Separate fact from frustration.
E — Empathy: What is the other party's likely position and what do they stand to lose?
P — Plan: How will you open? What is your boundary? What is your fallback?

During the conversation:

Open with the issue, not the blame. "The data shows..." outperforms "You keep..."
Name what you have observed, not what you have concluded.
Ask before you assert. "What's your read on why this keeps happening?" creates space that accusation closes off.
Signal what changes and what does not. Clarity reduces anxiety on both sides.

Build Recruitment's FM soft skills research highlights that the highest-performing FM managers approach every stakeholder interaction with "respect, empathy, and a clear focus on solutions." That is not softness — it is strategic communication.

What to Do When the Conversation Goes Badly

It will not always go well. Supplier contacts become defensive. Team members shut down. Clients escalate.

When a conversation deteriorates:

Pause, do not pursue. Trying to win a conversation that has gone sideways rarely works.
Summarise what you have heard. "I want to make sure I've understood your position correctly..." resets the tone without capitulating.
Separate the conversation from the decision. If the issue is contractual or performance-related, document the conversation and move to formal process. You do not need the other party to agree with your position to act on it.
Follow up in writing. Whatever was discussed — even informally — confirm key points by email. In FM, the paper trail matters.

The Mobilisation Context — Why Transition Periods Concentrate Difficult Conversations

Mobilisation is where difficult conversations cluster. In the first 90 days of a new contract, you are simultaneously managing TUPE obligations, inherited supplier relationships, unresolved legacy issues, and a client whose expectations were shaped by whoever pitched the contract — not by operational reality.

The conversations you avoid in mobilisation do not disappear. They become the problems you manage in month six.

Brightmine's research on emotional intelligence shows that leaders who actively develop their EQ skills navigate workplace tensions more effectively — and that teams led by emotionally intelligent managers demonstrate stronger engagement and lower conflict escalation rates during periods of organisational change.

Mobilisation is not the wrong time to have difficult conversations. It is the only time to have them before they define the contract.

Saveable Conversation Preparation Framework

BEFORE YOU GO IN — FM DIFFICULT CONVERSATION CHECKLIST

What is the specific issue? (One sentence, evidence-based)
What outcome do I need?
What is the other party's likely concern?
What are my three key points?
What is my opening line?
What is the non-negotiable?
What am I willing to flex on?
How will I follow up in writing?

DURING — REMEMBER: Observe, don't conclude. Ask before you assert. Pause, don't pursue when it escalates. Document — always follow up.

Relevant MCFM Academy Courses

MCFM00203 — Advanced Communications and Team Dynamics — £895. Designed for FM managers who need to lead teams, manage stakeholders, and communicate under pressure. Covers difficult conversations, team conflict, and communication frameworks applicable across contract and mobilisation environments.

MCFM00132 — Mobilising Human Resources and TUPE in FM — £195. The practical reference for FM managers navigating TUPE obligations and workforce transition. Essential preparation before those conversations start.